You can tell a lot about a dog by their dating profile. Some are clingy cuddlers. Others are aloof charmers who only text you back when it’s time to eat. At 321dogs, we’ve met them all—and their fictional owners too. So we decided to settle some scores.
Here’s our first Breed Showdown, where we rank the most lovable, complicated, and chaotic canine personalities. Each title links to the full profile, so if someone steals your heart (or your breakfast), you can get to know them better.
Breed: Labrador Retriever
Who Embodies This Breed: Chris Pratt
Fictional Owner: Penny (The Big Bang Theory)
“I’m a Labrador Retriever. I’ll be your most loyal cheerleader, your backyard MVP, and your forever dinner-date (whether I’m invited or not). I love long walks, short swims, and pretending I haven’t eaten—even if I just finished…”
Could the Labrador be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/labrador-retriever
Breed: Papillon
Who Embodies This Breed: Amélie Poulain
Fictional Owner: Jess Day (New Girl)
“I’m tiny, tidy, and smarter than your ex. I’m charming, quick on my feet, and never boring. Let me entertain you—with tricks, zoomies, and a little dramatic flair. I’m looking for someone who values brains and beauty, enjoys a little showmanship, and doesn’t mind always having a four-pound shadow with opinions…”
Could the Papillon be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/papillon
Breed: Golden Retriever
Who Embodies This Breed: Ted Lasso
Fictional Owner: Leslie Knope
“I’m basically everyone’s type. I love long walks, short walks, rolling in leaves, and swimming in whatever body of water I can find—even if it’s your freshly watered flower bed…”
Could the Golden Retriever be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/golden-retriever
Breed: French Bulldog
Who Embodies This Breed: Kevin Hart
Fictional Owner: David Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
“Hi, I’m short, charming, and a little bit dramatic. I enjoy soft blankets, midday naps, and making strangers fall in love with me on the street. I don’t need a yard, but I do need your undivided attention…”
Could the French Bulldog be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/french-bulldog
Breed: Poodle
Who Embodies This Breed: Grace Kelly
Fictional Owner: Miranda Priestly
“Hello, darling. I’m refined, responsive, and more than a little intuitive—I’ll read your mood before you’ve even poured your coffee. I’m looking for someone who values brains as much as beauty…”
Could the Poodle be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/poodle
Breed: Boxer
Who Embodies This Breed: Chris Pratt
Fictional Owner: Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)
“I’m fun, flirty, and fiercely loyal. I’ve got energy to burn, love to give, and a goofy streak that’ll keep you laughing. Let’s go for a run, nap on the couch, and then make weird noises at squirrels…”
Could the Boxer be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/boxer
Breed: German Shepherd Dog
Who Embodies This Breed: Captain America
Fictional Owner: Lara Croft
“Loyal, athletic, and intelligent—I’m the complete package. I’m a working dog at heart, which means I thrive with structure, purpose, and a human who values teamwork…”
Could the German Shepherd be the one? Learn more: 321dogs.com/dog/german-shepherd-dog
Whether you crave smart conversation, nonstop energy, gentle devotion, or confident partnership, there’s a dog profile here that fits. Click through to read more, explore personality quirks, and meet your potential best friend.
👉 Explore more breeds right here on 321dogs.com